Your tits are I can't wait for
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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