My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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