My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize