Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
