Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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