There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize