chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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