I cannot find my penis.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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