I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
