you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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