dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
