i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
