U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
