I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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