I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
