Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
