I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
