who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
