her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
