I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
