Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
