Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
