So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
