I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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