I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
