So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I deserve this hangover.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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