nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
