pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
