i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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