fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
