We're like a lot better than the average bears
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
