I cockslap morals
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I want to be your penis for a week.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
