Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
