Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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