Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
birth control should be required to get into college
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
