I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where is the hickey?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
