woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
