I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
