Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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