We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
