man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
wow bdsm is so cute
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
