Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
