So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
