I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
