obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
