well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
