you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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