the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
