You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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