I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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