I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
