I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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