I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
