Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
