When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize