Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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