we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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