After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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