**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
