I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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