Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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