i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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