the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
