I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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