I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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