I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
