just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
