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so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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