I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
