I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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