I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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