so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
