I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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