I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
