Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
