I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
