I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
