is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
