He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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