Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
