you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
