i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
