Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
