those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
