Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize