Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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