i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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