I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
