He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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