i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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