Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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