Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I looked at my own cervix.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
