Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
