I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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