I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
